As women we often spend our lives believing things that we were either told or where implied to us. If we were to say these things out loud it would sound silly. We might be told that we can do or be anything but then we receive the implied message that we should be a wife and mother (which is totally fine) instead of pursuing our dreams.
Being a wife and mother can be an incredible blessing. But in the wrong marriage being a wife can absolutely demolish your spirit.
I was married at age 19. I was pregnant and thought I needed to get married. I was so determined to make my life everything it wasn’t when I was growing up. But 17 years later that marriage ended when my then husband revealed several affairs. It finally occurred to me that I had spent all those years being really good for him by working hard, encouraging real estate inventments that increased in value, creating a financial plan and budget and creating a loving safe home for our children. It never occurred to me that while I was good for him, he was not actually equally good for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret any of it. Together we have 3 incredible boys and I learned things that many people never get to learn. It gave me sincere empathy for others in a way that I never would have had.
Over time I came to see that many women I knew took a long time to realize that they were good for their spouses or boyfriends but that the partner was not good for her. Why is it that as women we tend to overfunction? Why do we allow for our partners to let us carry the emotional weight and sometimes even the financial weight of life?
I believe we are conditioned to allow for this. We grow up believing that we just have to settle for some guy because that is as good as it gets. We also tend to quickly give the benefit of the doubt. For some reason we tend to believe that it’s all up to us to fix the entire relationship.
I remember back in the day when Bill Clinton was going through the whole Monica Lewinsky thing and people would say things like “if she would have kept her man satisfied, he wouldn’t need to cheat”.
AS IF!!!! This is deflection in all its ugly boldness. Nobody can be responsible for someone else’s cheating. When someone cheats it’s because of their own inner brokenness. They are trying to fill an internal need with an external thrill. But nevertheless, I felt deep down inside like it must have been because I was deficient in some way. Then the internal story just keeps repeating until we fully believe it.
How many opportunities have we missed in life because we were convinced that we were not good enough? We think that our friends can easily accomplish these things but when it comes to ourselves we don’t think it’s possible. “I could never get that degree”, or “I could never pursue that dream”. We end up replaying those beliefs in our head that tell us we aren’t good enough, aren’t smart enough, aren’t talented enough.
Let me tell you dear one, you are ENOUGH! Just as you are. You have something to offer. You have life experience that nobody else has. You have a vision and thoughts that nobody else has. Women are TRULY AMAZING! We can carry the weight of the world and still survive.
Today I encourage you to be kind to yourself. Replace the lies with truth about who you are. You are not bossy, you are a LEADER. You are not too opinionated, you are ASSERTIVE. You are not rigid, you are RESPONSIBLE. You are not what others tell you. You get to define yourself. How will you choose to talk to yourself today? Will you finally be able to accept who you are, perceived flaws and all?
If I have learned anything, it’s that women are amazing and YOU are incredibly worthy of love and respect.
I hope you take the time today to repeat the things that make you uniquely you!